Video: Ping Pong Ka-Pow, Episode 13

TOURIST TRAPS: abound in most places of the world, and so long as you can get in and out quickly and cheaply they can often be guiltily enjoyable. Trouble is, though, that often you find yourself wandering into a town, oblivious to its reputation, and it’s only when you begin to settle in that something doesn’t seem right. Perhaps you think you glimpse a guided tour going round a corner a few blocks away. Perhaps there is an unusual abundance of cooking schools and tattoo artists. Perhaps you glance at a menu at the local restaurant and feel you wallet trying to get out of your pocket and run away of its own volition. Whatever the clue: it’s time to run.

Lijiang, the town in which we find ourselves at this juncture, in episode 13 of the Ping Pong Ka-Pow series, at first comes off as a vision of Crouching Tiger-era China, gushing streams forded by tiny arched stone bridges; cobblestone alleyways leading to ponds dotted with koi, cherry-blossom leaves drifting slowly, inexorably toward the water.

We were probably able to hang on to this vision longer than usual because it was the middle of winter and the place was largely devoid of people. Chinese tour groups still trotted obediently behind a tour guide safely armed with a flag, whistle and megaphone, but we were told by a few people that during the summer the tourist scrums swell into mobs of such intensity that several unlucky souls find themselves shoved into the canals through the sheer weight of the camera-toting hordes.

But as night fell and the grand cobblestone buildings mutated into pounding nightclubs filled with the rich and powerful and we found ourselves unable to afford dinner or drinks (nine Australian dollars for a light beer!), we realized the trap had been sprung. Eventually we allowed ourselves to splurge on one beer each, but the music was too loud for conversation, and the moment we finished the beers we were told in no uncertain terms to buy another or get out.

So we got out.

The music in this clip is, of course, David Bowie’s “China Girl”, from 1983′s Let’s Dance. Finding quality songs from China – sung in Mandarin – has proven to be a surprisingly difficult task, especially given how many quality songs we came across in Thailand and even Cambodia. We know they’re out there but as far as we can tell, they’re not on any websites in English. If you know a good source, please, let us in on the secret.

L.